Lessons from Mother were not the kind you skipped and sang through. She was not the kind of teacher you joyfully brought an apple. Hers was a tough class room. And now with the lessons done, and the final exams passed, I am a far better version of myself having had the experience. Every step of the way Mother was most definitely teaching me love, though it often didn’t feel like it. One thing is for certain, I am a teacher of love because Alicia was my mother.
In the wake of a breakup or loss or aloneness, sometimes, far less often that before, that old familiar demon comes to call. The Lonely Monster, as I used to call it, is alive and well and telling me lies again.
Overcome with sadness, shock and more than a little bit of horror. This election has shaken me, shaken those I love, shaken our country, and the world we live in. I am watching many beautiful souls who believe so passionately in Love and Light, as I do, slip into hate and fear. We simply cannot afford to allow this.
So when Taylor suggested I move closer to him, when the boys and their gorgeous girlfriends helped me find a new home, drew out diagrams of where my furniture might go in my new house, agreed to meet the utility folks to turn on the gas, picked up my keys, agreed to help with the garage sale, took off work to help me move – I felt like I won a 10-foot-tall Mommy Trophy.
It is through fully loving my inner children that I could finally come to fully love myself. The little one who is confused about why the grown-ups keep going away. The middle one who just wants to know what she needs to do so you will love her. And the teenager who pretends not to need anyone because she has it all way under control, who in truth desperately just wants to be seen and loved. My beautiful precious inner children.
I feel the residue of my early morning thoughts, the I am not good enough thoughts, the this guy is not good enough thoughts, the what the heck am I doing chasing a dream thoughts, the I should be making more money thoughts, the who do I think I am fooling thoughts
Compassion is the flowering of love. Go beyond yourself, leave your own life aside, this is not about you. Step into the world of the other. Be curious? – what’s it like to be them? Do you know their pain, their passion, their hope, their fear? Have you walked in their shoes, is their life equal to yours?
Emotions give us a kind of weather report of ourselves and others, and that is powerful information. Without that information we are not prepared for what storms may come. When I don’t know that it’s going to be 110 degrees outside today, I might not dress appropriately. When I am angry about something and unaware of my own anger, I can easily let that anger come out inappropriately.
So if you want to feel happy, notice when you are not. Lean into the sadness, anger, guilt, etc. Say, “I see you anger. What can I do for you? What are you hear to teach me? I love and accept you, and I love myself even when I am angry.”
One of my go to phrases during times of sadness or grief, be they my own or someone else's, is "If I could go to the store and buy you a bottle of time and slather it all over you you would feel better." I say this because healing takes time and we can't rush time no matter how much we may want to.