Before all of me can love all of you, all of me has to love all of me. Give it a minute. It’s a lot to take in I know.
Recently a friend called “to vent”. I listened as she went on and on about the “bad” feeling she was having, and all that she had tried to do to shift them so she could feel better. She meditated, punched pillows, thought happy thoughts, called friends, tried affirmation and mantras. Nothing worked.
“Have you thought about fully accepting and loving yourself and these ‘bad’ feelings?” I asked her. Then I reminded her that there are no “bad” feelings. Feelings are just feelings. Some we like and some we don’t. They all serve a purpose. They all have equal value. We cannot know happy unless we have something to compare it to, so yeah for sadness, and anger and guilt and fear!!! I am grateful for those feelings as much as I am for the “good” feelings.
Here’s the thing, that which we resist persists. The more we push against something, the stronger it gets. The more of our energy we put into fighting, the bigger the fight gets. The more we focus on what we don’t want, the more of it we get. Are you with me?
So if you want to feel happy, notice when you are not. Lean into the sadness, anger, guilt, etc. Say, “I see you anger. What can I do for you? What are you hear to teach me? I love and accept you, and I love myself even when I am angry.” Be in that space for a bit. I betcha it will shift infinitely faster than you’d ever imaging!
It is way easier for us to have compassion and love for others than for ourselves. When your bestie is angry you don’t shame him or her. You don’t say, “What the heck is the matter with you? How dare you feel angry? Stop it. Stop it right now!” And yet, that is most often our inner dialogue. How can I offer you that which I don’t give to myself? Don’t I deserve the same love and compassion I give others? Yes, I totally do. And so do you!